Brighton's Ladies Assassins Club,
Whose infamy is well deserved,
Meets Thursday nights above a pub,
Where deaths are planned and tea is served.
Poisoning Pauline chairs the meetings,
Kudos that the girls afford her,
After networking and greetings,
Pauline calls the group to order.
Secretary Lethal Brenda,
Reads aloud tonight's agenda.
There will be two exhibitions,
"Toxic Treats" and "Blades are Thrilling",
Then a break then new commissions,
When we find out who needs killing.
Pauline's cooking demonstration,
Of deadly pastries shortening lives,
Gets a well deserved ovation,
Then Sue the Butcher juggles knives.
Soon afterwards they take a break,
And have a slice of Carrot Cake.
Great excitement greets the reading,
Of this evening's new requests,
Sent by people badly needing,
An end to life for tiresome pests.
First comes a man from Haywards Heath,
Who's stealing from retirement homes,
Celeste the Chemist grinds her teeth,
Her acid bath will have his bones.
Next a violent drunken Sailor,
(One for Gladys the Impaler).
Task the third is most enticing,
A showcase for Sue's expertise,
It involves precision slicing,
"I hope you're not attached to these..."
Last one out's a Brighton Copper,
Investigating local men,
That have lately come a cropper,
"The B. L. A. C. strikes again!"
Pauline just smiles and arms herself,
With poisoned donuts from the shelf.
The meeting ends with goals in sight,
Farewells are said and Taxis called,
The ladies head into the night,
The menfolk would be most appalled.
Every woman needs a hobby,
A bit like men who play with trains,
And there'll be a few more bodies,
Before the club convenes again.
Some stay behind to taste the ales,
Just drinking beer and swapping tales.
Whose infamy is well deserved,
Meets Thursday nights above a pub,
Where deaths are planned and tea is served.
Poisoning Pauline chairs the meetings,
Kudos that the girls afford her,
After networking and greetings,
Pauline calls the group to order.
Secretary Lethal Brenda,
Reads aloud tonight's agenda.
There will be two exhibitions,
"Toxic Treats" and "Blades are Thrilling",
Then a break then new commissions,
When we find out who needs killing.
Pauline's cooking demonstration,
Of deadly pastries shortening lives,
Gets a well deserved ovation,
Then Sue the Butcher juggles knives.
Soon afterwards they take a break,
And have a slice of Carrot Cake.
Great excitement greets the reading,
Of this evening's new requests,
Sent by people badly needing,
An end to life for tiresome pests.
First comes a man from Haywards Heath,
Who's stealing from retirement homes,
Celeste the Chemist grinds her teeth,
Her acid bath will have his bones.
Next a violent drunken Sailor,
(One for Gladys the Impaler).
Task the third is most enticing,
A showcase for Sue's expertise,
It involves precision slicing,
"I hope you're not attached to these..."
Last one out's a Brighton Copper,
Investigating local men,
That have lately come a cropper,
"The B. L. A. C. strikes again!"
Pauline just smiles and arms herself,
With poisoned donuts from the shelf.
The meeting ends with goals in sight,
Farewells are said and Taxis called,
The ladies head into the night,
The menfolk would be most appalled.
Every woman needs a hobby,
A bit like men who play with trains,
And there'll be a few more bodies,
Before the club convenes again.
Some stay behind to taste the ales,
Just drinking beer and swapping tales.
+2
