Sarcastic Time-Jump Ice Cream Salesman Guy

You'll find him selling frozen treats on summer afternoons,
His van is painted gaily and it plays a merry tune,
It's transdimentional power drive propels him to and fro,
To any point in History where he decides to go.

He's well known to Kings and Queens since prehistoric times,
Rich and poor all listen out and hope to hear his chimes,
But they all get exasperated by his caustic quips,
Everyone loves ice cream but they hate sarcastic dicks.


[chorus]
He saw the Roman Empire fall,
He watched the Chinese build their wall,
The Tzar of Russia found his jokes too dry,
He sold Snow Cones to Ghengis Khan,
And Ice Poles to the Taliban,
Sarcastic time-jump ice cream salesman guy.

The soldiers queue for choc ices along the Siegfried Line,
And Catherine the Great is partial to a ninety-nine,
He sold slabs of Neopolitan to people in Pompeii,
He said "yeah, just smoke up on the hill, like THAT could spoil your day."

At Gettysburg the Arctic Roll had sold out by day three,
The Japanese bought Jubblies on that day in infamy,
He sold a Zoom to Ne-il Armstrong standing on the moon,
He said "yeah Neil, like Mars is next, I'm sure you'll be THERE soon."

[chorus]

The Viennetta was a hit with Marie Antoinette,
The Moors are mad for Magnums and buy all that they can get,
He sold the last Cornetto to the Emperor Charlemagne,
He said "yeah, France and Germany like THEY'LL unite again."

Napoleon loves Chunky Monkey, always buys the lot,
At the Alamo they found that Fro-Yo hits the spot,
He sold a Cola Popsicle to Richard Lionheart,
He said "800 years of war, like THAT'S not what you'll start."

[chorus]

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:D

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