The Pennsylvania People Pickler

The 'Pennsylvania People Pickler',
Preyed upon Pittsburgh in particular,
Pickling people and a-putting them on parade,
Prolifically practicing preservation,
Propagating panic in the population,
Pursuing his passion for pickling p-word prey.

He pickled a parson preaching in Providence,
Patron of a parish of peculiar prominence,
Placing him proudly on a plinth in the parlour-room,
Pestiferous pundits of Portland Oregon,
Proclaimed him a positive pickling paragon,
Playing their pernicious part, we perhaps presume.

A pert paralegal he pickled from Palm Springs,
Poetically posed on a patio porch-swing,
Powerful positioning prowess that piqued his pride,
Part of him pondering the palpable pity,
Pertaining to pickle a person so pretty,
Pithy pathos, poignantly post-applied!

He pickled a Palo Alto prostitute,
Provoking the police to prepare to prosecute,
Prompting proposal of a perfectly pertinent plan,
Partial prints on pickling appurtenances,
Posited proof for imprisonment purposes,
Proficiently provided at the Pennsylvania Penn.

---

[img]https://www.easternstate.org/sites/easternstate/files/2017-03/BH01-forweb.jpg[/img]

[Notes]
Willem Jacob Beerens (1866 - 1909) was an American criminal active in the
early years of the 20th century. Popularly known as the 'Pennsylvania
People Pickler', Beerens (a mortician by trade) was convicted of the murder
of three people in 1907 and given a whole life prison sentance. He died of
pneumonia in the Eastern State Penitentiary in Philadelphia on February 24th
1909.

Of Belgian/Dutch heritage, he was born in Harrisburg PA and lived in and around
the city until his enforced transfer to Philly in 1907. Having become obsessed
with the preparation and preservation of the deceased working at a Funeral Directors
in central Harrisburg, Beerens made several unsucessful attempts to acquire corpses
(claiming to want them for medical study) before apparently deciding in around 1904
to create his own.

Over a two year period he murdered three people transporting their remains to a
rented property in the Allison Hill neighbourhood. Here, he expertly preserved and
dressed them posing them as "live" people within the home. All of the people were
from out of state and Beerens met them in Pittsburgh to where he travelled
regularly to provide services to the Allegheny General Hospital.

Clearly one of the curious aspects of the case was his meticulous selection of people
whose names, professions and points of origin all began with the letter "P" - He never
provided any explanation for this trait. The use of fingerprints in the conviction was
also notable as it was one of the earliest examples of this (the first ever was in 1902
in London, England) and it was the first time in Pennsylvania that a "partial" print
had been used.

The prints were found at the premises in Allison Hill by Detective Inspector Malcolm
Crosby (sadly no P's!). He also established a paper trail to the Beerens family in the
leasing documents and took witness statements from hospital staff who had seen him
leaving with one of the victims (the pastor, Patrick Passmore). The death penalty was
sought but not imposed, though Beerens only lasted 2 years in prison.

Willem Beerens' brain was donated to science and can be seen at the UPenn Medical Museum
(yes pickled of course!) and if you tour the (now abandoned) Eastern State Penn in Philly,
they will tell you that you can also see his ghost on some nights. Hmmmmm.

The lyric is just a silly one that you can have fun with - paticularly when playing along
with banjo parts. Not for the faint hearted though! And don't give me a hard time if you
have trouble Googling any of the above... ;)

I used the rule that words from the title could be repeated but all other p-words had to be unique.

---

Bassmonkey (or is it Brassmonkey at the moment), this is brilliant! I was trying to think of a clever reply involving silent p (as in bath), taking the p and Peter Piper, and when checking on the latter, I discovered "Peter Piper's Practical Principles of Plain and Perfect Pronunciation" and there's a copy of it on Project Gutenberg! Enjoy! https://www.gutenberg.org/files/25027/25027-h/25027-h.htm

---

Ha! Thanks BB, and from Philly too. I was enjoying that scrolling down towards X,Y and Z thinking "come on show me what you got..."

I'm back on the UK South Coast now so it's positively spring-like...hoping that all my friends in the US and Canada stay warm and safe as the bomb cyclone drops.

---